Double wow.

I am trying to follow the advice of the artist's way and several other books so I will try to write something for a half an hour every day.  I really need to get myself on some kind of productive schedule because right now I just feel like I'm floating around in a jelly-like tepid reality with not much to show for my days, especially when I'm not teaching.  

While I thoroughly enjoyed parts of my trip home, I can honestly say it was one of the worst ever for various reasons.  I had this professor in grad school that used to say double wow when something really baffled him.  That is pretty much how I feel about this trip and some people's behavior.  As usual, everything in my life seems to come to a head at once and I'm sure I'm to blame for at least the method of discovery in this.  Is it possible to read too many 'inspirational' things at once to the point where you don't know your head from your arse anymore?  I'm not sure I can blame that either.  I don't know what to do about my so-called career as of late.  I am stuck paying student loans for the rest of time while making very little money here.  Sure, it's enough to get somewhere, but not very quickly and certainly not where I expected to be after finishing my MA.  If I want to have a regular job in the schools here, I have to go through what they call the CAP which is basically like another master's program as far as I can tell, even if I homologate my degrees here.  That is nearly another two years and more money dedicated to something I'm not sure that I really want anyway.  So. Frustrating.  

I've never been afraid of the stigma that therapy seems to have for some people and I've spent plenty of time working at things.  I would love to go back here, though I'm not sure I can express myself well enough to get anything done in Spanish.  I must admit, wherever you go- there you are couldn't be more true, but Spain is taking quite the beating in my head as it seems to be the source of all my frustrations lately and it's starting to make me really dislike being here. 

I suppose I could try harder to make friends here. Although how exactly does one do that when they live in the middle of nowhere , isn't a native speaker and has little opportunity for socializing?    I wish I had different hours but to manage that I'd have to either go entirely to private lessons and probably wouldn't make as much as I make now, not to mention that the hours would likely not be much different.  Or teach in a regular school but I already mentioned the hurdle with that.  Did I mention that I have to do drivers ed again to get a license here? Oh moody expat's... are you out there?  Someone please say that this will turn around in a month or two.