The running of the turkey

We just got home from our Thanksgiving weekend and I have to say it was really great and full of little details and nice surprises, as well as gluttony.  On Friday we left for Pamplona fairly late in the evening after leaving Mica with the grandparents.  I don't know what it was, but I had a bit of a meltdown on the way there...maybe it was the fact that holidays are sometimes difficult to be in another country, especially ones that I enjoy as much as Thanksgiving.  Maybe it was Friday and I was just tired, but sometimes I start thinking that I would just prefer to figure out a way for us to have jobs in the US... and that I'll never have friends in such an unfriendly part of the country. Sometimes I just miss home.  I never thought I would and I guess that was naive. Or maybe it's just that every holiday I'm reminded of how broken one part of my family is and that fact that I don't really see that changing in this lifetime, not really for lack of effort on my part.  I tried for years to maintain a relationship with my mother's brother who was always a great uncle, but after events of the last year I have just given up trying.  The other day I read something really great on a friends' facebook.  Rejection is my higher power's protection.  Couldn't have said it any better myself.  No longer being a relevant part of the family is painful at times, but I'm sure the thought never occurs to any of them so why should I waste time and emotion on it?  In fact, one of the more callous of the family actually once wrote a blog about how much more she enjoys the holidays now that our side of the family is no longer a presence.  Way to honor our Grandfather.  Why I still care about the opinions of people who would not have survived a day of my life, nor understand anything about me is beyond my comprehension... but my New Years Resolution is to stop giving a crap and pronto.  But I'm getting away from the point.

I admit... I am often ungrateful for the things that I have here and I sometimes need to remind myself of the fact that some things are hard, some things are wonderful and others suck but that is going to be the case regardless of what city, state or country I live in.  The language can sometimes make you feel like an outsider if you haven't yet mastered it, although this weekend I think I handled it pretty well and spent a good part of the time speaking Spanish (trying to anyway).  It at least makes me feel better that I was able to communicate my ideas though I'm sure it was grammatically a disaster.  Two points for effort I suppose... I'm sure it didn't hurt that I was full of alcohol as well.  Again, I digress.

When we arrived on Friday they had made a super impressive cod tortilla, mussels, and a salmon and shrimp salad.  As I said.. the eating didn't stop and it was all fantastic.  Of course now my neurotic husband is complaining about how fat he is and how I can eat whatever I want but it's salad for him until he is happy again.  Whatever.  Thanksgiving has always been about decadence, at least in my family... he has much to learn.

So I brined and  roasted a turkey that was much smaller than the one we requested, but I think it turned out pretty well.  In addition we had cranberry sauce that I made this year with cloves and spiced rum.  Sounds strange... tastes yummy!  Our friends and hosts for the weekend made a potato puree and I even managed to make gravy without messing it up.  Success.  They even put up an American flag and decorated the table with a pumpkin, etc. to make it extra special.  Some people here really are great and I really appreciated the detail of making me feel at home.

Then today, we saw Pamplona and where San Fermin takes place... I will never be brave enough to see the running of the bulls.  It was easy to imagine how people get trampled there, but the city is lovely.  If I get around to it later this week I will post some photos.

Spain, Socialists and Sneakiness

This post sounds like it could be a lot more interesting that it will likely turn out to be but that's a title hazard I suppose. Spain. How is it going? Well... I have to admit that sometimes I really enjoy teaching- particularly with my FCE group which includes some high school students, some university and a couple of adults. With that group it is easy to make jokes and have a few laughs as I am not always trying to correct them or their behavior. It can be unnerving at times because as amazing Dr. Folse from grad school used to always say, they will ask you the 'hot seat' questions that make you sweat- but I learn things from those questions too and I haven't died. At least not yet. It is difficult at times to get that group to give opinions, but on a couple of occasions, at least, it has been a success. These are all good things. Speaking of topics they refuse to talk about. Politics.

After giving the socialists the boot after many years it seems that Spain is finally holding the reigns of their young democracy. I don't pretend to know much about the history of politics here (though I am reading up on it lately), but I do pay at least a bit of attention to what is going on as it does affect me now. No, I can't vote. But since I live here and do take advantage of what I think is a pretty great social security system I feel as though I should. It will be interesting to see what happens here over the next year or two, as well as in the rest of Europe. To be honest, I think either party would have been in a canoe floating up a brown creek given the circumstances... but since Zapatero has become so vilified what more obvious choice than the opposition? Seems to me that's how it usually works anyway. In general I hate politics and politicians (except the one I'm married to) but they are a necessary evil. I just don't see why instead of the slander poo throwing they tend to do to each other, they don't try to come to real resolutions that have nothing to do with 'parties.' I'm sure all of the truly involved activists are all shuddering now and think I'm an idiot but I just don't get it. Humans are all threatened by opposing views but I think the way we play this game should have ended a long time ago. Now that we are in the middle of a real crisis, it seems even more ridiculous. I'm sure that I could have a much more educated view on this if I dedicated more time to it, but I've just never been an absolutist in any arena. I don't agree with all of what anyone says or does. Period.

So... about the sneaky politicians. I am often baffled by my husband's attempts to use poppycock to solidify an argument. God love him. His latest adventure in verbal acrobatics was when he calmly explained to me that the time has come to purchase a second car. Mind you, we had this discussion not three days ago when I told him that he can buy the sports car that he is 'dying for' when he buys me a new couch that isn't an ugly bachelor pad elephant that takes up our ENTIRE living room. Also, that we would wait until we really need it before spending thousands of euros on another car. Perhaps it's my American mentality. I like to save money... sue me. Any large purchase is painful for me and I'm not a big shopper. I prefer to spend hours looking for something suitable that is cheaper than buying things on a whim. My husband is the opposite and often confuses the difference between need and want. That's neither here nor there... I guess it's just that I did it on my own for so long and I barely got by sometimes. That makes me want to save. Having money saved turns my husband into a wanna-be Bruce Wayne that wants to buy this as our second practical car.

Bollocks, I say.

The Big D

So I was talking to my mother the other day and the topic came up regarding divorce and my feelings about it. It's not something I think about on a regular basis, but being the child of divorced parents has affected my life in some significant ways- I would be lying if I said otherwise. First of all, I am the only child between my parents and they both remarried and went on to have new families. Of course, in some way, I am a part of those families too, but it certainly is different for me than it is for my siblings. I am the odd one out for sure. It's not always a bad thing...I think that I have learned and taken things from both units that have made me the person that I am today and I would not have had that experience if things were only nuclear. But do I feel like a definite part of either one? Not really. I am kind of like a satellite that floats around each of them in my own way. This role suits me though, so perhaps things always end up the way they are meant to be. I'm kind of a periphery girl.

Also, my parents did not have a friendly separation and therefore never had an amiable relationship so I really find it hard to picture what they were like together. I can only count two times in my whole life that I've even seen them in the same room. That, to me, is kind of strange. I mean, I have seen their wedding photographs so I know there was a real relationship, but in some way I have to be honest and say that it is kind of like being a test tube creation. My mother and father are completely different people and I can see parts of myself that come from each of them but I can't picture them together to save my life. Even stranger are their completely different reasons for why it happened. I think I have figured it out though- I can't say it makes it makes me feel any better- but it sure does explain a lot of details that never quite fit together before. I don't need to hear the truth when I already know it, you know?

Both of my step-parents though have given me more than I could have asked for and I like them both- in that way I guess I am lucky. To me, they seem like second parents and I really don't make a separation between the two. I suppose for others it is completely different. I think it has to be different for everyone as no two people handle things the same. Do I think certain things should have been done differently for my sake? Sure. But I'm an adult now and I understand that they probably were doing what they thought was best at the time and I can't argue with that.

One thing that is definitely true though is that I sometimes find it difficult to relate to people whose families are still intact. They never have to feel the pull between the two that is hard to explain, even to my parents. It's a reality though, for me. As I said before, it's not something that really affects me on a daily basis but it does come up from time to time and it has changed now that I live in another country. Balance is something that I find hard to find in lots of areas in my life. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be my other siblings and how it looks from another perspective.

Anyway... totally strange topic but it was on my mind.

Things That I Used To Do

Well... so much for keeping up with this on a regular basis. I'd like to say that I've made some great accomplishments in the last couple of weeks but that is mostly an exaggeration. Although, I have made a little progress in learning to control one of my groups. Basically to sum up my experience teaching here I would say that some days are good, a lot of days are challenging and frustrating and I learn something about teaching and/or myself nearly every day. So I guess that is a plus, besides the fact that I have a job in these unsure times.

I've been thinking about so many things lately and it all becomes a big scrambled mess every time I sit down and try to sort it out, but I will attempt to do so for the next few minutes as that's all the time that I have if I expect to work out today and finish everything else I wanted to do before work tonight. One thing that I have been catching up on is new-ish music. I used to keep up with everything and that was one of my main interests, besides design, but now I find that not only is it not as important anymore, I just don't have the time. If I spend a lot of time on one thing, I usually think of all the other things I should be doing like studying Spanish... or Chinese. Yeah, so my husband decided that he wanted to learn Chinese and since they offer at my place of work I just go with him now on Friday evenings since we don't see each other much during the week because of our schedules. It's pretty enjoyable so far and I actually remember the names of objects usually, but forget numbers and colors. So back to the music... I get so easily sidetracked. Here are some of the things that I've been introduced to by friends or stumbled upon by accident that I really like. I'm a firm believer that you have to listen to something several times before it really gets in you, but I can tell that these things will become favorites of mine:

Someone posted Gotye's "Somebody that I used to Know" on facebook and I fell in love with it. The video not only reminds me of a crazy evening of college that involved body painting, but the song is perfect.

Scott Matthews: A friend of mine made a comparison to Jeff Buckley and I had to see for myself. He was right...since he died I haven't found anyone else whose voice could even remotely compete- but I think this guy comes pretty darn close. I always loved Jeff Buckley's music so much and I find these songs from Passing Stranger sneaking in slowly. Yeah.. maybe this isn't new, but it is for me and I've never felt the need to pretend to know it all like some of those obnoxious music aficionados. Yuck.

There are lots more... like TV on the Radio, Smith Westerns, etc. but I'll have to add more about that later.

I'm also getting really excited about going home for a little while, even if it's only for 10 days. I wonder how I will fit everything in that I'd like to do in that time period and I'm not sure when we will be able to go back since we have a wedding to go to this summer. I have to admit, I am happy here but I do miss home and the things that I could do there that I can't do here. For example, I don't really like shopping here and everything is over priced that I can get back home for much less. They don't have any bookstores where you can actually look at the books before you buy them (although, maybe they won't have those much longer in the US either- let's hope that's not the case). I can't go to see shows as most of the bands I like never come ( I would say 98% of them don't come here and stick to countries like France, Belgium, etc...although Wilco did make an appearance this year in Barcelona but the tickets were sold out in a hot second). Which leads me to believe that there are people here that like the same things, but they seem to be on the other side of the country? Who knows. They have scary parking lots here. I know... this is a stupid thing but in the States we give people ample room for their ginormous cars whereas here they squeeze you in like sardines. Literally. I have yet to venture to the ONLY department store they have because of the alpine incline of the ramps and the tiny ass spots. I mean, should you have to fold your mirrors in just to park somewhere? Yikes. And I miss my friends. I feel like their lives move on without me.. and hell, it's not as if I would expect them to stop but I miss exciting things like new babies and sometimes that makes me sad. It's not as if my life doesn't move along as well, it's just not with kids. I guess none of these things are really important except for a couple of them and it's not that I NEED them in my life but they are, or were parts of myself.

Which brings me back to that topic again. I am still on the fence about kids and I go back and forth about adoption vs. my own (if that's an option). I wonder if I'll ever come to a conclusion or if the decision will be made arbitrarily for me. It's not that I don't like the idea. It's not that I don't like children or that I think I am too ego-centric to have them... it's just that I don't know if I trust myself to be responsible for the happiness of a little creature. I mean, no matter what ideas you subscribe to, you are the main resource for all input that a child has.. and well... my kids might be really weird if I'm all they've got!

Well, no time for more. Off to the races!

A couple of weeks ago we enjoyed a weekend of camping at Lake Sanabria. Mica, of course, enjoyed two days of swimming and acting generally crazy. Even though it was only a couple of weeks ago, the weather has changed dramatically since then and now the beginning of the winter is here, although a bit late this year. I always feel a little guilty for taking the dog out less when the weather changes, but I just don't enjoy being outside as much this time of year, so at least she got to have a little fun before I become extremely lazy.

I never did much camping when I lived in the U.S., but here it is kind of a different experience. For one, none of my friends were really into that kind of thing and my family certainly isn't full of campers. As inconvenient as it can be at times, and as much as I dislike public bathrooms, I really enjoy it here. Maybe it's the food... the air... the people. Either way, here are a few pictures from the weekend. Did I mention that I adore this black pain in the butt?

Hypocrisy Tuesday

Well, I know I said that I'm not really into politics and I try to keep my opinions to a minimum, especially when in the company of others. But this is a pretty good article and I agree with Ferguson on nearly all counts. In a time when my husband and I are debating about whether we will stay here in Spain or go back to the States to work in the next couple of years, it's really relevant to me. The application of chaos theory and its butterfly effect is a little too complex for me (as well as controversial), but I think that it's a concern for the rest of the world as well.

Happy Reading.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/10/30/niall-ferguson-how-american-civilization-can-avoid-collapse.html