I remember being one of the first to have the glorious and time-sucking internet because of the job my step-father had back then. I spent a lot of time in chats and got a few pen friends out of the deal, none of which I communicate with anymore. And now that I'm far away from home, I have to admit that it is a blessing to be able to have some kind of connection with my friends and family there that doesn't require a telephone or a plane ticket. But that blessing is also sometimes a curse.
The first offender... my love and hate relationship with facebook and social networking in general. Years ago I read an article about the implications of social networking in a UMBC magazine...what it was doing to us and our personalities. Recently, I saw a similar article that someone posted on facebook that was not nearly as scientific, but equally as interesting. (http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/01/the-facebook-eye/251377/). I love it for all that it can be used for, but hate it a little for all of the same reasons. You can share ideas with your friends; things you are 'into', photo albums, articles....all the things that you miss when you are miles apart. This part I think is wonderful and has the potential to be used for good and fascinating things. It already has. but then there is the clique-like, drama-laden environment that reminds me a bit of high school or a soap opera. I'll start off by admitting that yes, I'm guilty of having posted a status that might have been interpreted as passive-aggressive or even brazenly confrontational, but I try to keep my online drama to a minimum. I also appreciate the ability to block people or change your mind and delete people from your life and mind. But when we use these mediums to be the worst kind of voyeurs...I think it breeds something inside some people that is detrimental to them and others 'around' them. I think it allows us to think we are closer to some people than we actually are...to engage with them in ways that we never would face to face. To say things we normally wouldn't. And yes all this has been written before by someone else... it's just that I've been thinking of it more recently. I've gotten strange emails from all kinds of people that I didn't really know, but who felt comfortable enough to send me those messages that probed a bit into my personal life. I'm a private person, but I've been known to be an open book at the same time. There are no limits to the ways in which I contradict myself on a regular basis. But those messages bothered me in a way. They proved that those people noticed/saw things about me in a certain way that was most certainly a result of the 'self' that I project or show in a medium such as facebook. Kind of scary to think about really. I could go on and on really about the stupid things that facebook has helped propel from being a petty disagreement to a full on feud. Complete with deletion and all. A seriously horrific tool if used in the wrong way.
Which brings me to number two. I love that the internet, in general, is full of an seemingly endless wealth of information. That's great... but it's also a little overwhelming at times and I feel like it is often the impetus for me never getting anything done. Sure.. it's full of inspiration and ideas. But sometimes I just get drug down by everyone and their creativeness instead of inspired. Sometimes I feel like that person on the bike up there. I guess that is a personal problem, and not Pinterest or any other well-intentioned blogger out there.
Third, my stupid ever expanding gmail account that is full of emails that I don't want to respond to or read. Or take the time to filter or block. Today, I just feel like running away from questions and explanations for anything. I think I deserve the peace and freedom of not having to answer to everyone all the time- I don't feel like I OWE anyone anything just because my choice of partner in life has brought me to live in another country. I think I should rename this blog to the Negative Nelly Chronicles. Ugh.
So there you go. My semi-circular thinking that has once again brought me to the conclusion that the problem lies within. I think this week is a good enough time to start working on that already, only I'm not sure how.
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