Your trash is my treasure

A post about all of the differences between American and Spanish culture that I've noticed seems a bit daunting at the moment, so I think I'll stick to one positive and one negative for now. One of my favorite things to do is to go shopping at thrift stores. It's amazing the things that you can find there...anything from old and lovingly used hardcover books to a pair of perfect jeans that someone else went through the trouble of breaking in. I guess there is something to be said for not buying certain previously used items such as bathing suits or underwear (Gross! but they sell 'em) but I don't mind the idea of someone elses' behind having been in my jeans (within reason). That's what a washing machine is for after all and thank god for the invention of soap! I used to spend hours in some of the warehouse stores that hide out in Laurel, MD or spend a whole Saturday checking out all of the little ones just for fun. I'm not quite sure what it is about them that I like, but I think the idea of recycling things you don't use anymore is genius. As such enthusiastic capitalists, I think we need this sort of thing to keep us from turning into a giant landfill.

Spain on the other hand would rather die before buying something used (at least according to my husband). I really hate to make generalizations, so let's just stick with facts. I don't know of a single thrift store in the entire city that I live in, or in any surrounding villages for that matter. Last year I had the idea of getting an old piece of furniture and fixing it up for our house and there is ONE place where you can find such things, but they only have furniture and most of it tends to be extremely large or expensive. I'm not really into antiques as it is. Now, of course there are second hand cars to buy and there are some online places where you can buy things that work like Craigslist, but nothing of the magnitude or variety that we have in the States. And well, I think that just sucks. Spain just doesn't like used stuff, in general. I think it mostly comes down to a couple of things: pride and self-image. Spaniards (again, I hate to generalize but if you have ever been here you know what I mean) like to look their best when out in public and they tend to notice and do more than glance at what you have on as well. That being said, I think that labels are important here too and unless it's a vintage Chanel or something equally as expensive it should be of the season or at least something classic. Not old/used. As for the pride, well... people here like to talk. A lot. About each other. If you are seen buying things in a thrift store then perhaps someone might think that you are too broke to afford shopping in a 'real' store. I could go on, but I won't because I'm not a Spaniard and all of my information is based on too few opinions to be considered the unadulterated truth. However, I do think that given the state of the economy here, maybe they should rethink the point of pride and realize that things don't have to be brand new to be useful or even great. My real point is, I miss it and if they offered such a place here I would go regardless of what anyone said about me. I'm the weird/foreign/strange/American anyway, so who cares?

Now, for the positive thing. The food - plain and simple. I think that while there is less variety, the general quality of the food is much greater and is less costly than in the U.S. I don't claim to know the ins and outs of how it is produced, but my guess is that it has to be slightly better than we are doing back home, plus I read the labels on EVERYTHING. Granted, there are fewer options for places to buy if you are interested in organic products, but it is available and not as astronomically priced (so it seems). While I do think that they eat too much sometimes (really- this whole first, second and dessert thing is too much for me), it's nearly all fantastic. I'm sure I could think of more to say on this subject, but now I'm hungry.

Lentils

I wanted to write something about the differences that I have noticed so far between Spanish and American culture and put up some pictures of the camping adventure last weekend, but that will have to wait until another day seeing as how I just spent the entire morning cleaning and now have to take a look at today's lessons and make lunch. Speaking of eating... it's not on the menu for today, but it comes out perfect every time. If you enjoy lentils I highly recommend giving it a try. In the effort to become a decent wife who can cook things that taste decent and aren't full of preservatives, this has become my go-to.

p.s. I never add the sour cream.

http://www.christonium.com/culinaryreview/French_Creamy_Lentil_Soup

I like dog-ears

Every time I read something I like to fold the corners of the pages that contain something that the author said that in some way pertains to my life or struck a chord. However, I only do this if the book belongs to me- I would never be so bold as to fold a page of a library book, though I've seen it done before. So, at the end of a fairly long journey (for me, anyway) with Salman Rushdie's The Ground Beneath Her Feet, I wanted to share a few of them here just for kicks. Some of you might have already read it, but it never hurts to revisit something great (although I must admit that I enjoyed fury just a tad bit more). There is nothing that I love more than finding a person who can put into words exactly the thing that you wanted to say, but couldn't. Whether it be in a book or a song...a movie or a photograph- there is no contesting that these things have power.

"But love is what we want, not freedom. Who then is the unluckier man? The beloved, who is given his heart's desire and must for ever after fear its loss, or the free man, with his unlooked-for-liberty, naked and alone between the captive armies of the earth?'

"What we forbid ourselves we pay good money to watch, in a playhouse or a movie theatre, or to read about between the secret covers of a book. Our libraries, our palaces of entertainment tell the truth. The tramp, the assassin, the rebel, the thief, the mutant, the outcast, the delinquent, the devil, the sinner, the traveller, the gangster, the runner, the mask: if we did not recognize in them our least-fulfilled needs, we would not invent them over and over again, in every place, in every language, in every time."

"The best in our natures is drowning in the worst."

I think we could all agree that this is true. For every dark there is a light; in every being there is both heaven and hell.

"Everything must be made real, step by step, he tells himself. This is a mirage, a ghost world, which becomes real only beneath our magic touch, our loving footfall, our kiss. We have to imagine it into being, from the ground up."

This actually was referring to one of the main characters and his journey from India to England. In some way this passage (in its entirety) reminds me of creating a new identity in a new language. For Ormus, language wasn't an issue, but a lot of the feelings he expressed about it are so similar to feelings I have had here in Spain.

"We underestimate our fellow humans because we underestimate ourselves. They-we- are capable of being much more than we seem. Many of us are able to answer life's darkest questions. We just don't know if we can come up with the answers to the riddles until

we're asked."

"Everywhere there are women sitting alone because of men who will not return...And men also, he adds, longing for women who have gone. Life is a broken radio and there are no good songs."

"Love is intimate democracy, a compact that insists on renewals, and you can be voted out overnight, however big your majority. It's fragile, precarious, and it's all we can get without selling our souls to one party or the other."

"The desire to debunk the extraordinary, the urge to chop off its feet until it fits within the confines of the acceptable, is sired by envy on inadequacy. ... Many of us who are racked by the knowledge of our smallness begrudge the few true heroes their great size."

This could be applied in so many ways, but I think we are all guilty at some time or another of envy when it comes to those around us. Growing up and adulthood seem to alleviate this tendency- but not always.

"Now I know what its like to be inside a laundromat appliance, she joked, but what she was talking about wasn't funny. She was talking about being out of control of your little bit of world, of being betrayed by what you counted on. She was talking about panic and the fragility of being and the skull beneath the skin."

Not sure if any of you can relate to this one, but I sure can. I am thankful that that raw sense of panic and out of control feeling is something of the past and now I am on much more solid ground, but there are times when it seems like yesterday.

"Yet I myself am a discontinuous being, not what I was meant to be, no longer what I was. So I must believe - and in this I have truly become an American, inventing myself anew to make a new world in the company of other altered lives- that there is is thrilling gain in this metamorphic destiny, as well as aching loss."

" When you have no picture of the world, you don't know how to make choices - material, inconsequential or moral. You don't know which way is up, or if you're coming or going, or how many beans make five."

I am not a judge. I am not God or anything close. But I have to say that in the place that I am in at this point in my life, I feel that I can say that I have seen several people that I thought were so close to me make horrible choices, both moral and inconsequential (or so they think), because their world is so small. Traveling and eating ethnic food doesn't make you aware of the world around you, or the importance of trying to learn how to do the right thing. You might say that one has nothing to do with the other... I strongly disagree. I think to truly try to see the big picture... the world through the eyes of another person leads to making good decisions in your life. To those that are no longer in my life, I guess I should say good riddance, but the truth is their absence in my life makes me sad and I feel empty because of it at times. You can't replace family with anger or a grudge and expect to not create consequences.

" In the end I decide it's because although I, we, didn't really know them, they knew us and whenever someone who knows you disappears, you lose one version of yourself. Yourself as you were seen, as you were judged to be. Lover or enemy, mother or friend, those who know us construct us, and their several knowings slant the different facets of our characters like diamond-cutter's tools. Each such loss is a step leading to the grave, where all versions blend and end."

This is kind of in the same vein. I think when someone close to you chooses to betray you, or leave your life for other reasons you really do feel the loss of a part of yourself. I am still trying to figure out who exactly I am without them- it's not as easy as it sounds. Sure, I have my own family now...but how do you forget that there are other people out there who share a part of your history that no longer want to be a part of your future? I haven't figured that part out yet, but I'm working on it.

Okay, that was more than a few, technically speaking. But I really did enjoy this book, regardless of it's difficulty and density. It's funny...this book has nothing specifically to do with the things that it conjures up in me, but there were so many relevant portions. Maybe it's the fact that it deals with loss. Maybe it's just that he's awesome.

What a World We Live In

I know this may not be the deepest of thoughts and it will certainly make any teenage student of mine think that I'm ancient, but I really, really am starting to hate and worry about the 'music' that seems available to the average listener here in Spain, in particular. What I mean is, if you actually have any taste whatsoever there are actually plenty of musicians who are still making beautiful music if you know where to look. But mainstream? I had no idea that it was possible to get any worse than "I'm on a boat." I was wrong, dead wrong. Here in Spain most of the radio stations play a lot of music in English that either comes from the States or the UK. In the defense of the stations here in general, I have to report that there is one station that is similar to WRNR(MD) or things that you might find on All Songs Considered (sorry to everyone who hates npr) that plays a lot of indie, jazz and other alternative types of music. The majority play what I can only politely call crap. It's in English. It's in Spanish.. and it's all different variations of terrible.

What really bothers me is that these songs are readily available to any kid with a television, radio, computer, phone, etc. which is pretty much all of them. I'm not even a parent, but I don't appreciate that these songs are basically telling kids 'Hey, it's cool to talk/think this way...you should too to be cool." Not to mention the utter and complete lack of creativity and annihilation of the art itself. Case in point.



Sure, this song made me chuckle a little the first time I heard it...but after several times it was no longer funny, especially after hearing a 9 year old student repeat a portion of the lyrics in class. Call me old-fashioned but I just don't find it cute when a kid curses. Does this qualify as music now? What the fu** indeed. Okay as a youtube joke, blasphemous as a so-called song.

Moving on to the next disturbing piece of 'music' that I've heard recently over the airwaves in the middle of the afternoon. This one hails from the UK, I believe. Sorry Englishmen, but if this is the best you've got to send over, just keep it. Seriously, the lyrics consist of gems such as "i got a hangover wo-oh... so i can go until i blow up and i can drink until i throw up and i don't ever ever want to grow up"...OR "i been drinking too much fo-sho." Dear Taio Cruz and producers, You indeed were drinking too much when you thought this was a) a song b) acceptable, cool, etc. What is the message here exactly? I certainly can't find a one besides it's super cool to get so drunk that you make stupid music like this. Sheesh.

But what really bothers me the most though is not that this is what they are filling their ears and minds with... it's that there are so many better things that they could be listening to- should be. I guess it all does come down to personal choice and I know that stations are paid to play this 'insert whatever word you want here', but doesn't anyone care to educate the young minds by exposing them to beautiful things that were made with love and appreciation for the influence that it can have? After taking a looking at the state of the education system here(and in some way, the world over) I suppose I have my answer. For me, this hands-off, I'd rather not be bothered, let'sjust see what happens attitude is lax at best and destructive at its worst, IMHO. I know I don't really have a right to speak as a parent, but I as an educator I have some kind of investment in other people's children too and I do care about the outcome. Do I think that this particular aspect will have detrimental long term effects? Maybe. Will they die from it? Probably not. Perhaps listening to Mozart won't make you smarter, but this will surely make you dumber. I'm not saying all music needs to MEAN something, but for me this is unacceptable as an 'art' form. I think I'll go clean out my ears now with something... I dunno, musical.

no news is good news

I don't always want to talk about work related things, but it's what is on my mind at the moment. This morning I got a phone call from the language school that is related to the University here (at least I think that's correct). They wanted to offer me a position to teach classes there from 2pm to 3:30 or something close to that. My other position requires me to leave at 4 to get there on time because what teacher likes to waltz in at the starting time and not have everything ready? Not this one.

When the woman first began the conversation, she asked if I would prefer to speak in English so I of course said yes, but I guess she didn't hear me (not likely). Anyway, I guess the gist of the whole thing is that I turned it down. Not because I don't want to work or because I'm lazy, I just prefer to give 100% or nothing at all and with my already existing commitment, I just don't think that I'm ready to add something else when I've only just started the year two weeks ago. Maybe I should have agreed to meet with them or something or just said yes, but I honestly don't want a life or schedule that stresses me out. Maybe lazy or egoist, but it's the truth. I am more than grateful for the opportunity to work in a country in the midst of a real crisis, but I don't want to take on more than I have to- as I've said before, I've other things to focus on at the moment.

I had another good Spanish speaking experience, at least from my perspective, this weekend. A friend of Rubén's came over for a barbeque with his girlfriend and I really enjoyed her company. Of course, I had to use what limited skills I have in Spanish to converse with her, but I think that I made an honest effort and didn't make too much of an ass of myself. It might seem like small potatoes, but it's a big deal for me with all the shyness crap. So yeah, I can honestly say that I've made a little more progress this year than last year with actually using it. My Spanish class that I go to after work once a week is going pretty well too and I really like the teacher and the other students so here's hoping that 2012 is going to be much easier for me.

One thing I'm really looking forward to is Christmas at home in the States. Last year I was here and so we are going to try to alternate years so that our families have equal time if we can. This year we are going to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends here, so that should be a fun experience (if I can manage to not ruin the turkey). My cooking is kind of hit or miss. Sometimes something turns out great and other times not so much. I mean, not to the point of being inedible, but just not quite as good. I really like making things like baba ganouj or hummus... it's a lot easier in my mind that a roasted turkey. Actually, I just don't really like touching raw meat of any kind. I'm not sure what things I will be able to make here due to lack of availability, but I will certainly try to make it authentic. Of course, we will be adding Spanish things as well.

I guess this isn't much of an update, but if you like hummus that isn't lumpy I suggest that you try this recipe out...just go easy on the garlic- it's more than good.

http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=18020.0

Welcome Back, Kotter and other maladies

Well not really. These students are hardly the 'Sweathogs', but still. Monday marked the first day of work for me this school year and it sure is going to be much different than last year. Last year I was only required to show up and implement someone else's lesson plans, but this year I am back to planning all my own lessons for 5 or 6 classes. It's kind of a relief because I certainly have more control now, but it's all on me and that is an uncomfortable feeling too. It's stupid, I know.

Let me start off with a disclaimer by saying that this is likely to turn into some kind of trying to talk myself out of being terrified and exposing the fact that I may have chosen the wrong profession-for the second time. Maybe not the wrong profession, but I just need to change myself a bit if I plan on being successful at all. What I am trying to say is, I know that I'm fairly intelligent and I'm sure that I have something to offer to students who want to learn English ...it's just that my own self-confidence sometimes gets in the way. Remember that whole thing I wrote about being shy and reserved? Yeah, not really an asset in the teaching profession unless of course your class is called "Shoe Gazing 101" in which case you would probably be the toast and the crush of all of your students.

My students aren't like this at all. Most of them are dead smack in the middle of puberty, excitable, and very eager to learn. I do have some difficult ones though- the girls who stare into space like zombies - the 13 year old boys who are oppositional regardless of what you say and take every opportunity to mock you or make jokes about your voice. It's like a time machine that takes you back to remember why you didn't like boys when you were 13. But honestly, I even care about them- the ones that make it obvious that their parents made them come and they have no interest whatsoever. And therein lies the problem. It's a strange mixture of wanting them to like me and wanting them to succeed, because the truth is, these guys won't perform for someone they don't like or respect. I don't care what any education teacher told you- it's the truth. I wasn't that kind of student when I was their age so it's hard for me to understand...I admired everyone that I thought knew more than me (which was everyone then) and wanted to be like them. Sure, I had some strange teachers that I liked less than the others... a history teacher who used to talk to his imaginary dog in the corner, the arrogant math teacher who never let me play varsity soccer- but I always respected them. So here I am trying to figure out how to motivate my most challenging students EVER. I don't know what they enjoy except soccer and talking about girls and making fun of me (which is always done in Spanish). They just won't let me in.

Which brings me to the adults. How great they are. They are truly invested in the experience and that's wonderful news for any teacher- the only problem is that I'm afraid I'll let them down. This part of me has GOT to change or every year, week, and lesson is going to be a test of my mettle. It's the part of me that is afraid to make a mistake- like not spending enough time on a certain thing, or not explaining something well enough and then when they go to take the FCE, they fail again (some for the third time). I always care too much and take everything too seriously, which I guess isn't as bad as not caring at all, but I have to find a way to temper this aspect of myself. I have this little piece of paper on my refrigerator that I found on a tea bag that says "Teachers open the door but you must enter yourself." If I could only internalize that. Are there any teachers that can tell me when this part stops?

The other things that have been rattling around lately are of a more somber nature. Maybe it's the weather. Another friend of mine was recently talking about the horrid light that is the Fall- and he's so right- I thought it was only me that noticed how ugly and different it was. It's actually still warm here for October, but the mornings and the evenings are definitely getting cooler. I have always thought SAD (Season Affective Disorder) was kind of a funny name for it, because that is actually what you are. But who isn't a little sad when everything green turns brown. All the trees are pretending to be dead. My itunes shuffle suddenly starts to play more Morrissey, as if it was only a coincidence. Ugh- I hate thinking about it. I am just going to enjoy the last illusions of summer while they last.

What has been bothering me recently is something that no one really likes to talk about. Cancer. They even named a show 'The Big C' because they'd rather not say the word, in my opinion. It's a reminder to everyone about our own mortality and that scares a lot of people. But they are definitely talking about it. That show, Breaking Bad (which I've still never seen), Weeds. The truth is, I'm not afraid of dying, but I'd rather think of it as something far off and not getting closer. But it's something that was always there in the back of my mind. The past few years it has been something that has moved to the forefront because it has affected my family and more recently, other friends of mine. Yes, we are getting older, but it seems like the bubble has been burst and we are now of the age where these things are a reality and not just something you read about or see on the news. And well, that DOES really scare me. I read something a couple of weeks ago about someone I don't even know and her loss and it is still affecting me. I find people leaving messages on their facebook or twitter about loved ones or friends. And now Steve Jobs. What a huge loss. He was an inspiration to so many and enhanced our lives in really tangible ways. Doesn't it make you wonder why these cancers are becoming more and more prevalent? I guess I don't know what I really want to say here- I'm not really up to date on the real why's and how's ... it's just that it's been on my mind and makes me think about my own lifestyle choices that probably aren't the best for someone who has a family history like mine. At the same time, I want to live and enjoy my life and not be afraid. Perhaps the lesson here for me is to just appreciate what I have more, while I still have it. It's such a cliché, but how many of us actually do it instead of just shrugging it off as another hallmark-y gag fest? I'm guilty of doing that, I know. I abhor anything cheesy or overly romantic- but I think maybe it's high time I realize that this gift is a temporary one, at best.

I think I may just have to go listen to something like Craig Mack to make myself laugh.

P.S. If you read this feel free to comment on whatever-this is a text box, not a soap box.

i don't think that this was intentional...

I hate sampling. I am against it for so many reasons, and this is not sampling but my brain keeps telling me that every time I listen to this Arcade Fire song,

that I'm about to hear part of "On the Dark Side" by Eddie and the Cruisers.

This probably means nothing to everyone, but it's bothering me so I'm just saying it. There must be some kind of neurological breakdown going on inside my brain.

Tomorrow I will actually update this thing as to why I've temporarily dropped off the face of the earth.