Sorry Elton, but NO seems to be the hardest word.

I really hate to disappoint people. Maybe it's because of how I grew up or more likely an ingrained part of my personality. I'm a people pleaser- I admit it. But disappointing people...it's kind of a hazard of living really. If you are constantly trying to please or not disappoint others you often lose sight of what it is that would be best for yourself, no? Well, if you are like me then you know what I mean. It's a weakness that I know I have and I am trying to work on it (whatever that means).I often find myself in situations where my boundaries and the use of the word NO are tested. Again, today, here is another of those situations only this one involves financial factors and so I'm even more at a loss than usual.

A little background might be helpful. At the end of the last school year, we were out with a friend of my husband and we discovered that his wife was friends with someone who worked for ******** (name removed for the protection of well, me), a pretty well-known language institute that has offices all over the world. I had never attempted to work for them before when I lived in Florida because I knew that their training was kind of extensive as they have a particular language teaching 'method' that they use and I never had time when I was in grad school full time. Well, I have all the time in the world to attend training now, so I didn't hesitate to send my resume over to this nameless person. I didn't need the job- but out of curiosity I did it. Needless to say, they did call me for an interview in July and I went in to meet them. The guy I spoke with talked to me for over an hour asking me various questions relating to my experience, etc.. He seemed a nice and personable man, if not very British. I had a pretty good feeling about the place, but he had in so many words told me that they did not practice the old methods and that I could observe a little before I started. Said he would be in touch in September, as the schools start here in October. Never mentioned that I would be gallivanting all over Castilla y León.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when I was supposed to go in for a second interview/meeting or whatever. I wake up early. I hate getting up early... I am not a functional person until at least half past 9. Since the bus schedules are somewhat unreliable in our neighborhood here and we are still sharing a car, I drove with my husband into the town where he works and he dropped me off at the library for a couple hours to wait until my interview at 11. In the midst of watching a trash movie, the guy from the school whom I had already met with calls me up at 10:30 stating that his partner could no longer meet with me that day. So guess what? I had to spend the whole damn day either sitting on a bench outside or in the library because my husband had meetings all day. The original plan would have involved me having the interview in the city and then shopping. Bummer.

So then we reschedule. Last Wednesday I finally have this appointment and as it turns out, I don't even see the guy I met with before until five minutes before I leave and the bulk of my time was spent with a woman who insisted on speaking to me in Spanish the entire time regardless of her knowledge and my stating that my Spanish was not as strong as it should be for these purposes. She isn't even Spanish. She is as far as I can tell, Dutch or something of the like and spoke perfect English when pushed once or twice. She was the reason I got stuck at the library all day. She was older and not quite 'amable.' My Spanish level is not a factor at all in the job as I teach English, in English! Anyway... just a bit of a surprise for me. I wasn't expecting to walk out of there with such sweaty armpits. So she immediately launches into what hours they expect of me, in addition to pressuring me to work afternoon hours even after I mentioned that I already have an afternoon contract. Also, I am informed that there is a place to park near there that is in the heart of the city and not 'very expensive.' Sure, genial. Then, that I am not only teaching in the school, but will also be carting myself around to different towns outside the city all for the lovely price of 12 euros an hour. This is not unusual, in regards to compensation. But with the added transportation, it doesn't really end up being worth my time. I can make 15 at least finding my own private lessons and work with whomever I choose. So I email them and tell them I can do most of the hours, but not all- in addition to asking about holidays as I plan on going to the States for either Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.

So anyway, I was talking with my husband last night about this and we agreed that since I have another opportunity to work towards for next school year at the private school that he attended as a kid, perhaps I should turn this other job down, as they hadn't gotten back to me yet anyway. This other opportunity will require me to have a higher level of Spanish, which I can work on this year if I have the morning free, as well as take a course that I have to have in order to accept the job. In addition, I only have a temporary license and really need to start taking the lessons to get my Spanish license. Don't even get me started on the idiocy of that whole subject. If I were Moroccan, Colombian or a whole list of other different nationalities, I could pay a fee and go on my merry way. As it is, as an American I have to basically take driver's ed again. Let's hope I don't set a trashcan on fire again this time. Don't ask.

This morning, I get an email (entirely in Spanish of course) that I think I understand. I get it. I'm in Spain. But you are a language school that offers English. Can you write to me about serious things in my native language? Anyway. Now I'm confused as to what I should do. I don't want to disappoint them but I guess I was secretly hoping that they wouldn't reply to my questions as they have already taken over 3 days to do so and I would have time to respond first telling them I reconsidered and am not interested any longer.

I think I get my panties in a twist over the dumbest things. This is not the end of the world and I can't really make a mistake but I hate to close doors, especially in a time when lots of people here in Spain would love to have the opportunity to work. But honestly, they are not my problem and my priority is to really get myself to a point of indepence here. Which begs the question, why did I go to the interview anyway? Well, I guess I didn't want to disappoint anyone, least of all myself.

Anyone have any thoughts?